Introduction

Whether you’re single and looking for “The One” or are trying to break into a social group or land a new job with a potential employer, you may only have one opportunity to peak someone’s interest and curiosity in who you are and what you might bring to the table. It’s commonly said that people form a first impression of someone within minutes, and sometimes even seconds, of meeting him. Unlike those in your support system who know you intimately, new people only have limited knowledge about who you are and will form a judgment or an image about you by what they see and observe in their brief encounter with you. This hardcore reality can make or break an interaction, so you want to make sure you put your best foot forward to increase your chances of success in whatever outcome you’re seeking to accomplish in that particular social exchange. read more >>

Introduction

For those singles unhappy with their relationship status, Valentine’s Day can represent a sense of foreboding and dread as it highlights all the things they wish they had in their lives. Everywhere they look it seems like there is a happy couple on every street corner, and it seems inescapable to walk into a store without some image or product associated with the holiday being shoved in one’s face to reinforce the value of love and relationships. read more >>

Dear Coach:

I have been seeing a guy who is already in a relationship of 8 years and lives with his partner; he says that they never have sex anymore. This guy is so sexy and I can’t resist him. We hook up at my place pretty regularly. I don’t have a boyfriend or anything, so I don’t feel like I have anything to lose. We have safe sex and we both feel very pleased with the arrangement. Could it be that this guy’s relationship with his partner is going bad or already is? Am I a fool for having ongoing sex with him? What do you think?

Hooked On a Taken Man

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Introduction

There is probably no greater topic of importance to gay dating and relationship success than self-esteem. How you feel about yourself definitely translates itself in everything that you think, feel, and do. Having confidence and a belief that you have value and worth gives you that extra boost you need to take risks that will improve your life. It gives you that little extra sexy appeal and makes you feel positive and attractive to yourself and others. It also helps you in making sound and responsible decisions that will ensure you’re living with integrity. Additionally, when you feel good about yourself, you’re more likely to set boundaries with others to avoid being taken advantage of and helps you feel more able to be assertive and to go after what you need and what. read more >>

Opening Remarks

Gay culture highlights youth, muscle, and good looks as valuable assets and commodities when it comes to sexuality and relationships. All one has to do is turn the pages of your favorite gay newspaper or magazine (that doesn’t necessarily have to be sexual in nature) and you’ll be distracted by photographs and advertisements of attractive men with chiseled bodies oozing sex appeal to titillate the senses. Or log on to any dating or personals site on the Web and you’ll find hosts of men demanding youth and rugged masculine good-looks as personal requirements in their profiles to consider even corresponding or chatting with them. read more >>

Dear Coach:

I have recently started dating an HIV+ man. I am negative, and this is the first time I’ve dated someone opposite of my own HIV status. I never thought I could be truly comfortable in this kind of a dating situation, but we’ve grown really close and are well-suited for each other in so many ways. I can see now that the compatibility is more important than our HIV statuses, something I’ve been working through as we’ve continued to date. After he told me about being HIV+, he tried to break up with me saying that it could never work out with us being different HIV statuses. I asked him to be fair with me and let me make the choice as to whether I wanted to continue or not and I’ve decided I want to develop things further. It feels like such a good match with him. He keeps talking about it though and I keep telling him that I want to be with him. How should I let him know that he shouldn’t worry and feel guilty about me? He keeps asking me why him? How can I convince him that I care for him unconditionally?

Stuck

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Introduction

Summertime is here in all its glory! Everyone is coming out of hibernation and there’s a buzz on the streets as people come out in droves to partake in all the fairs, parades, sporting events, and art shows. People are soaking up the sun at the beaches, having barbecue picnics in the parks, and biking and hiking along the lakeshores and in the forest preserves. For many, summer brings about a reawakening of the spirit, an invigoration of sorts for fun and activity. But for others, however, the season brings about a feeling of dread and helplessness. Why you ask? Let’s allow two fictional characters, John and Brad we’ll say, illustrate this all-too common experience. read more >>

Dear Coach:

My best friend is Caucasian and he has historically had a really hard time getting a date. He tried your coaching suggestions and it worked for him—he met a great guy and things are going quite well for them. I tried the same things that he did, but it didn’t work out the same for me. I’m still single and looking with no prospects in the near future. I’m mixed African American and Asian and am wondering if the rules are different being a person of color. What do you think?

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Introduction

I’m so fed up with being a “nice guy” and getting nowhere for it. I continue to be perplexed by my situation and want to understand better why others act the way they do, what I am doing wrong, and what things I can do to improve myself. I’m not perfect and don’t pretend to be. I’m not a model, but I’m often told by people that I’m “hot” and how nice and sweet I am. I am passionate and good in bed and believe I have a good personality and sense of humor. I have my own place, a new car, a great job, and I’m very successful in my career that holds a lot of promise for more growth and success. So I guess my biggest question is why am I alone? I treat the guys I have gone out with really well. Yet, it never seems to be enough. I just want to build a life with someone who has ambition, dreams, and who will love me and look out for me as I would for him. — Gay Man, age 29 read more >>

Introduction

So you’re single and looking for Mr. Right. Perhaps you enjoy the freedom of this time of your life and date recreationally, keeping your options open until “the right guy” comes along. Or maybe you’re the type who feels like dating is his sealed fate, forever going out on dates with guy after guy, only to walk away from each experience disappointed and questioning whether you’ll ever find a compatible life partner. Whatever your situation, it’s important to remember that finding Mr. Right is only part of the equation to landing a successful relationship. The other part, which is actually more important, is to become Mr. Right yourself. read more >>