Dear Coach:
I’m 27 and met a guy a few months ago and have become good friends. We’ve gone out a few times and feel that we have good chemistry. I’d like to step this up to the next level and possibly pursue a relationship with him but he feels more toward me as a friend he says. He keeps on dating other guys but continues to “date” me as well and I’m really confused about what this all means. What should I do? It feels to me that when we spend time together, it’s more couple-like than two friends hanging out and I’m really disturbed by his decision to date other guys.Does He or Doesn’t He?
Dear Coach:
I’m wondering how to deal with dating someone who still lives at home with his parents and is not “out.” He is in his 40’s, identifies himself as bisexual, and we have a “sex bud” arrangement going. I really like him a lot and wish we could become more serious and possibly have a relationship…but he’s in the closet about his sexuality. He won’t tell his parents or close friends about our relationship. Should I try to talk to him about how I really feel about him or do I first have him decide if he wants to come out to his friends and family, and should I help him along?
Dating A Bisexual
Dear Coach:
There’s a guy that I’ve known for about a year and I always found him attractive but never said anything to him because he was in a relationship. About a month ago he told me that his prior relationship was over and since then we’d begun hanging out on a regular basis, up to 3-4x a week. I was really feeling like I was getting to know him and liked what I saw. During this time we also started to share secrets and kissed about 6 times.
A few days ago he told me that he just got into a relationship with another guy. I am very confused because he didn’t even tell me he was seeing anyone else. The issue that I have is that I still like him; the fact that he didn’t tell me about the other dude should make me want to push away from him, but it doesn’t. What should I do? Should I come out and spill my heart to him or just say nothing? I really thought he liked me too. Why would he keep the other guy a secret and continue to kiss me if he had no feelings toward me?
Confused
Dear Coach:
I have a friend whom I’ve been hanging out with for the past few months who is straight and I’ve always found him to be very cute. But the more time we spend together, he’s started making jokes with sexual innuendo and saying that he wants to get with me sexually. Sometimes he’ll grab my hand and then pull it away very quickly and act all embarrassed or we’ll lay on my bed watching a movie and our arms will touch for an extended period of time without his moving away (but then he eventually does and bitches about it). It’s very confusing because it feels like we’re getting closer, but then at other times he pulls away. He’s 18 and I’m 24 and I’m just wondering if he’s really gay and trying to come to terms with it because I acted that way when I was first coming out. We’ve been spending a lot of time together lately and I’ve expressed how much I value him and he’s aware that I’m gay. He told me last week that he loves me and I’ve never been happier; he says that it just takes him a long time to get attached to someone and it’s hard for him to express himself in words. I really feel that he’s as attracted to me as I am to him but he just puts up a hard exterior because these must be new feelings for him. I really like him a lot and want to pursue this further but I don’t want to scare him off or push him away either. What do you think?
Hopelessly In Love
Dear Coach:
I would like some advice on how to attract the guy I have an eye on. I just found out that he’s into older guys and I’m younger. Should I give up hope now or give it my best shot to see if I can draw his attention?
Smitten
I was recently approached a couple months back by the writer of an online dating website at msn.com requesting some information for possible inclusion in an article she was writing on how to manage a new dating relationship when the other person experiences some kind of life crisis. This can be a very delicate situation and what follows here are some thoughts I contributed on the matter… read more >>
Dear Coach:
I have been seeing my guy for about 5 months. While we have spoken about how I’m ready for commitment, he waffles on the issue. Things were great between the two of us up until the moment I told him that I loved him. We were talking about feelings during one of our talks, so I saw no harm in telling him just how I felt. Ever since then, he’s backed away. What can I do, if anything, to help bring us back closer together again like we were? I do love him and I’m having a hard time keeping my feelings locked up.
In Love
Dear Coach:
I really need your advice. I met this guy at my university. He’s very kind, handsome, and totally irresistible and I can’t help being attracted to him. We’ve been sleeping together now for the past couple of days. Unfortunately, I’m not sure if he’s gay or not in the first place or if he even likes me back. How can I find this out? And what should I do in order to make our relationship stronger?
Smitten
Dear Coach:
There’s this new guy at work and I find him to be very cute! I’m always staring at him and want to ask him on a date so bad. My friend decided to help me find out if he’s gay or not so she told me she went up to him and asked him if he has a girlfriend and he replied, “No, I’m ga…”. My friend then said he looked like he had caught himself and then looked real embarrassed. She then asked him if he has a boyfriend and he responded with a weak laugh and then walked away. I’d like to know for sure if he meant “ga” as gay or as in something else. Plus, I’m not ready to let people know about my sexuality yet, so I don’t want to be asking the wrong person out and have him expose my homosexuality. So my question is, how do you tell if someone is gay or not? How can I find out if this guy is gay? Can you find out if a person is gay by the way they dress? I’d also like to know if dating a man is different than being with a woman. This is all new to me as I’ve never been in a gay relationship before. Thanks for your time and help!
Curious
Dear Gay Love Coach:
I met this really cool guy and I have shown a great interest in him. We had a great time for the past several dates and now he seems withdrawn and distant. I’ve asked him if anything is wrong and he says “no”, but I sense his non-verbal behavior shows differently. I just got an e-mail from him that says “I recently ended a relationship that went pretty sour, so I’ve had reservations about getting involved with any other guys. I’m sorry if you feel I’ve pulled away, but it’s not you in any way, just me and my reservations. I hope you understand.” What should I do? Should I attempt to assure him that I’m still interested, but not expecting a relationship? What communication should I convey to him that we could continue our dating? Or is he saying that he wants to stop dating me and move on? Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
Confused
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