Dear Dr. Brian:

I’ve recently started seeing a guy and things are going really well so far. He is open, genuine, and I’m very attracted to him and he seems to reciprocate my feelings of interest. My problem is that I have low self-esteem and I’m concerned about various things, such as my liking to view pornography and my fear that I’ll cheat on him as a form of self-sabotage. I’m working with a therapist, but I’m still struggling with feelings of insecurity and fear. Would it be best to kill the relationship until I can work these things out? read more >>


When managed in a healthy way, an active sex life can be one of life’s greatest gifts. Having been raised in an oppressive society about our homosexuality, sex can take on different meanings for gay men. Whether or not you believe the stereotype of gay men being promiscuous and “sex-starved”, the real truth is that when sex is taken to the extreme and it begins to interfere with your life and the accomplishment of your goals, damaging consequences can result that can destroy your future.

This article comes off the heels of my attendance at a recent professional workshop on treating compulsive sexual behaviors. It was an excellent investigation into the world of sexual addiction and was presented by Arizona-based therapist Paul Simpson, Ed.D. A lot of his presentation is mirrored by the work of Dr. Patrick Carnes, PhD, the pioneer of sexual addiction research and reputable author of a series of classic self-help books on sexual addiction treatment. Here is some useful information on sexual compulsivity and resources for recovery.


Dear Coach:

Help! I think I’m addicted to Internet chat-rooms and porn sites! What do I do?