Can Two Tops Date?

Question: I met someone recently and the attraction was immediate. He’s amazing, and we also have everything in common—we just look at each other googley-eyed all the time. We’ve messed around a few times already and it’s so passionate. But here’s the problem: we’re both tops. And I don’t mean versatile tops, I mean we’re both 100% tops-tops. We’ve talked about this, but the issue does seem to have put up some sort of barrier between us. See, for now, it’s fine and it’s not a big deal. But if this relationship actually goes somewhere, which I think it might, this could become a really big deal. Do I end this now, or do I stick with it and try to work it out. And how the heck do I work this out? read more >>

My boyfriend of eight years is trying to spice up our relationship, and I think that’s great. Problem is, he’s suggested going to a clothing-optional gay resort. How do I tell him this is just not my cup of tea without coming off as unadventurous? read more >>

When I got together with my boyfriend, I told him I was a top and he told me he was a bottom, and for six months now, I’ve topped, he’s bottomed. I want to try things the other way around, but every time we go there, he freaks out and can’t perform. Is there anything I can do to get him over his fear? read more >>

I’ve been in a relationship for a couple of years and the sex just isn’t there anymore. It was never really great, but now, it’s almost non-existent, which is strange to me because I thought gay men did it constantly. Is it possible to be in love with someone and just not be sexually compatible? How do you make it work in the relationship? read more >>

Introduction

Sex is all the craze nowadays! Everybody wants to be having it and they want it to be out of this world with eyes rolling into the back of their heads and throats sore from all the unbridled shrieking of ecstasy. While sexual bliss seems to be glamorized in our society, what if you and your partner are experiencing troubles in the bedroom behind closed doors? This can be quite traumatizing and a blow to one’s self-esteem and sense of masculinity, particularly since we men are socialized to be adept and skilled at sexual prowess and conquest. These stereotypes of men “always being ready” and “virile with lots of stamina” put a lot of pressure on men to sexually perform like gods and threatens their identity as a man should problems arise in that part of their lives; they can feel like a failure or that they don’t “measure up” because so much emphasis is put on perfectionism in this area. read more >>

Dear Coach:

I would like to be more flexible in my ability to satisfy my lover. Having had limited experience “topping” in the past, I wonder if there are techniques I can apply to help me overcome my inability to top when asked to. I start out aroused but then lose confidence as I attempt to follow though. Any ideas?

Top In Training

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Dear Coach

I was wondering if you could give me a little advice. I am in a fairly new relationship with a guy I love and adore, but our sex life is basically non-existent. We are both primarily tops which doesn’t make things all that easy to begin with. I have offered to be a bottom for him, but he doesn’t seem to want that. He refuses to be a bottom for me and that makes me a bit upset. I have told him that I need more in this area, but he doesn’t seem to care. I’ve also suggested we invite a third person into the bedroom and he adamantly refuses that. I am at a loss. I don’t know what to do. Can you help us?

Topped Out

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Introduction

In our first installment of this article series, you learned about inhibited sexual desire, a very common sexual disorder that plagues millions of couples, and gay partnerships are no exception to this epidemic. You learned about its symptoms, subtypes, and possible causes for its existence in a relationship. In Part 2, some tips and strategies will now be offered on how best to manage and overcome this barrier to intimacy so that your relationship may enjoy the fruitful rewards of a healthy sexual lifestyle. read more >>

Dear Coach:

I’m in my late 30’s and have been in a relationship with my partner now for nearly two years. He’s the first guy I can honestly say I’ve ever truly loved. A few months ago, my partner started losing interest in sex and I soon discovered that he was hooking up with other guys on the Internet. He says he loves me, but that it’s just on a different level than it was before. I feel like I’m more in love with him than he is me. Has he lost interest in me as a life partner? Is this worth saving?

Concerned

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Introduction

“Not tonight, honey. I have a headache” is the well-known slogan attributed stereotypically to women who lack desire to have sex with their husbands. The slogan itself is intended to be a tongue-in-cheek joke at the expense of couples with discrepant sex drives, but the situation is actually no laughing matter. A large portion of intimate partners struggle on a daily basis with incompatible desires to have sex and it can create serious problems in relationships. And yes, there is a clinical term for this scenario…it’s called inhibited sexual desire. The urge to be sexually intimate with one’s partner waxes and wanes all the time throughout the course of a relationship; no two individuals in a couple can be expected to be in-sync sexually in every instance. It’s when sexual overtures are denied on a consistent basis and the relationship becomes devoid of any erotic or sexual fulfillment that trouble can start to brew. It tends to be more common that one partner desires the contact while the other distances and refuses participation in sexual activity. read more >>