You know the scenario. You go out on a first date with that incredible guy who seems like he meets all your criteria for good boyfriend material and you both seemingly had a great time. You maybe even got a kiss and exchanged lots of flirtatious banter that raised your hopes that maybe it was “true blue” this time. But then he falls off the face of the earth despite his claims that he’d call you back for a second date. There is nothing more frustrating, right? What happened to integrity? Worse yet, now you can’t get the injustice off your mind, ruminating about what went wrong and why he isn’t returning your phone calls or e-mails and it’s making you feel crazed and depressed. I hear from lots of forelorn men that have experienced this all-too-common situation that is unfortunately a part of dating who can’t seem to shake their disappointment and upset. What’s a guy to do?

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© Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, The Gay Love Coach

www.thegaylovecoach.com

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Dear Coach:

I hired a contractor to do some work at my house and we became friends (yes, he’s gay!). Right from the start, we were very flirty with each other and spent a lot of time doing recreational things. After finally having an open talk about “us”, we both admitted that we were attracted to one another. However, he gave me the big “I don’t want a relationship” speech. Since then, we’ve continued to hang out and a couple times he’s felt compelled to remind me that he doesn’t want a relationship. In the meantime, we’ve spent a couple nights together cuddling and making out, but no sex. He told me that he can’t have sex with me because he doesn’t want to mess up our friendship. I, of course, take this as a big rejection and have tried hard not to have all the negative thoughts around what could be the problem with me. He says it’s not a rejection and that I’m too important and valuable to him. He told me he doesn’t want all this talk to ruin our friendship and he’d be upset if I stopped talking with him. I have tried to approach this relationship with the idea that we have fun together, let’s see where it evolves. However, every time it seems to start to go somewhere, he needs to have “the talk” with me. I keep trying to get through the heartbreak in the hopes that I can get beyond this and just be friends, but it makes it hard for me to deal with it when I feel like I keep getting pulled closer and then pushed away again. Am I being a doormat by wanting to try and be friends with him?

Wanting More

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Introduction

“Well, it was really nice meeting you, bud, but I don’t really think we’re a match. Good luck to you though!” –or- “Yeah, it was fun! I’ll call you!” –and then the call never comes.

Sound familiar? We’ve all been there at one time or another. You know, that stabbing feeling of being unwanted that’s so hard to shake when it strikes. Yep—rejection! Rejection of all forms is a natural part of being human, from being declined for a job or being refused participation in a certain club. But as a single guy on a quest for a life partner, rejection is an inescapable given in the dating world as you search for a compatible counterpart. There is no way around it!

Now in this article, I’m not going to sugar-coat things and say “just get over it” or “it’s his loss if he doesn’t want to date you.” This type of common advice minimizes the impact rejection really has. The truth of the matter is that rejection sucks! It hurts, it’s no fun, and it can be difficult to swallow at times. But while rejection can be a nasty experience, it is a fact of life that needs to be accepted and embraced in order to survive and triumph over its effects. There’s no easy formula for overcoming the fear of rejection, but what’s offered here are some tips for making the most of it and taking on a new perspective to help you forage on and prevent it from holding you back from accomplishing your relationship goals and dreams.

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