Dear Dr. Brian:

I’ve been dating a man for well over a year now and while we’ve had a tremendously difficult relationship, the “ups” have far outweighed the “downs”. I’ve learned that a lot of our issues come from my insecurities. I can’t seem to build trust him and when I do, my own paranoia tears it down. The only reason I’ve ever had to be cautious of him is because of the fact that his prior relationships were non-monogamous and I’m the first guy that he’s chosen to be exclusive with. He’s always been up front with me about his past and has never tried to hide it. read more >>

Dear Coach:

I have a problem with my partner. We’ve been together for 8 months now, but the last 5 have been constant fighting over my behavior and character. He wants me to change and be more strong like he is, to stop being romantic and so emotional to the point I cry, to separate my personal and work lives, to not be influenced by others, and to be more talkative and have standards in my life. I have tried, but nothing seems to be enough for him. He’s talked about breaking up with me. I don’t know what to do anymore to please him and I don’t want to lose him. What should I do?

Backed In A Corner


Introduction—A Picture of Insecurity

Insecurity is no fun. It’s that nagging feeling of angst and anxiety, of being unsettled and worried. You feel helpless and that you don’t measure up to a person or situation, lacking a sense direction or confidence in how to approach things. Like in the initial stages of dating, a single gay man’s insecurity might look like…“Does he like me?” “Why hasn’t he called me like he said he would?” “Will he still be around even after we’ve had sex?”

These are pretty normal reactions; it becomes insecurity when the person becomes preoccupied and ruminates about the outcome, personalizing it and putting himself through a slow-torture of doubt and “what-if” thinking that distracts him from being centered and relaxed. read more >>


You might feel it when that hot stud across the room at the gym gives your lover “the look-over.” You might experience it if your ex-boyfriends ever cheated on you and then you project it onto your current man. Or you might experience it if you have an “open relationship” and you know your partner is out “tricking.” Whatever its form, jealousy can take on many different faces and it can kill your relationship if it’s not managed appropriately. If you’re the one who’s afflicted with jealousy, it can torment and consume you, zapping you of all security and contentment. If you’re the partner of a jealous lover, your frustration at having to “walk on eggshells” and constantly reassure your guy of your commitment to him can be maddening. read more >>