Advice

Dear Dr. Brian:

I have been in a relationship with my partner for 12 years and over this period of time, we have both been unfaithful. My partner is very well-endowed and an exhibitionist and enjoys showing off his penis to others. Last week we were driving home from visiting friends when he suggested we stop off at a local cruising area. I agreed, but deep down I felt really sick about it. He ended up getting a couple guys to give him oral sex and I was very hurt and upset by this. Sex with him has become boring and it’s very much one-sided and he has no sense of adventure with me. I’m becoming more and more frustrated and am beginning to feel like the relationship may not last much longer. What do you suggest?

Help! read more >>

Dear Dr. Brian:

I am dealing with the break-up of a 9-year relationship and am trying to get on my feet again. He won’t deal with me anymore, but says he still cares about me. It’s really confusing because he’s so cold and distant one minute, and then being endearing the next. It hurts to me to no end to see him going out with other guys and I wish he would be a man and tell me what he wants rather than sending me all these mixed messages. Everyone tells me to leave him and move on, but I can’t help wondering if he’s just going through a midlife crisis or something. What should I do?

Broken Up read more >>

Dear Dr. Brian:

I tend to be a possessive person and have a hard time trusting my partners.  I’m not sure where this insecurity comes from, but I’ve been burned pretty badly in the past from prior lovers who cheated on me. I’ve recently started dating someone new for the past couple of months. Between me not being able to trust him and his own religious beliefs of not having sex until marriage (we’d been having it all along), he decided he needed a break. It’s been a week now and I still haven’t heard from him. I told him I would wait for him to contact me, but I really miss him and want this to work out. What should I do? read more >>

Dear Dr. Brian:

My problem is that every guy I go out with ends up finding me very sexy and they always fall in love too fast. Even though I care about them too, there’s no “chase” and then I lose my sex drive. The more they “hit on” me, the more I question that they are (a) not attractive enough; (b) have low confidence, which is a turn-off for me; (c) are emotionally needy; or (d) their feelings appear to me to be a feminine trait, and in turn I lose sexual interest. I want to be in a relationship, but I lose all desire after about 3 months of being with someone. I also don’t cheat because that’s not my style. Why do I always get turned off when a guy falls in love with me and what can I do about it? I don’t like the “feminine emotional attachment” that a guy in love with me has.

Hot Guy Can’t Fall in Love read more >>

Hi Dr. Brian:

I recently ended an 11-year relationship and met someone who was the catalyst to give me the courage to do so. He wasn’t the cause for the demise of my relationship, but only after meeting this new guy that I began to see what my life could be like and realized all that I had been missing. I am often plagued with insecurities and lack of trust and I certainly don’t want these feelings to ruin the beginning of something with this new man. He is very independent, and has never really been in a long-term relationship before and seems to require a lot of time alone. I, on the other hand, am someone who longs to be near the person I am with and at times like to have my own personal space. What is your advice on giving someone their personal space but helping him to see that spending time together is equally important to forging a strong bond and the foundation for a successful and lasting relationship? read more >>

Dear Dr. Brian:

I’m 23 and met a guy that I like a few months ago. I tried to kiss him on the second date, but he refused. Since then, I’ve been getting mixed signals from him. He calls me and we talk for hours on the phone. But when I’m alone with him in-person, he treats me as a friend and nothing more.  Why does he talk to me for hours on the phone when he knows how I feel about him? read more >>

Dear Dr. Brian:

My partner and I have been together for 9 years and we have a problem with control in our relationship. My partner says that I’m too controlling and it’s gotten to the point where I feel like I have to watch everything I say for fear that he’ll think I’m trying to overpower him. He says that I try to control how he thinks and feels in most situations of his life. read more >>

I was recently interviewed by “Name It” Magazine for an article they were writing about gay relationships and sexuality. One question they asked was, “Why is sex so important to gay men?” Here was my response: read more >>

Dear Dr. Brian:

I’m new to dating men and this is the first relationship I’ve been in with a man. I’m not sure if the guy I’m involved with really loves me the way I do him. He’s not really blessed financially and I tend to support him with a lot of his needs. I can’t help but wonder if he’s clinging on to me for that reason. I love him, but I don’t want to continue the relationship if he’s only with me for that purpose. read more >>

Dear Dr. Brian:

My partner of 9 years lost his job a year ago after having downloaded some pornography on his computer at work. He hasn’t had any luck since then securing new employment and the longer that time goes on without his finding a job, he’s become increasingly more depressed and hopeless. He’s gained a considerable amount of weight, his health is suffering, and he sleeps all day and contributes very little to the household maintenance. read more >>