Dear Dr. Brian:
I met a great guy recently online and we met for a spontaneous meeting at a coffee shop. We hit it off really well and ended up spending an entire night talking, watching a movie, and eventually cuddling together. We both discussed that we should take things slowly and did not end up doing anything sexual.
We’ve been texting daily ever since and have plans to spend time together this weekend. I can’t stop thinking about him! I would love to date this guy ! He seems great so far and gives me butterflies in my stomach! Should I plan anything elaborate for him? Get him a surprise gift or plan an overnight trip somewhere? Should I formally ask him out on a date? I don’t want to mess this one up, so please help! read more >>
I am new to gay dating and have my first date coming up soon. I’ve
never been on a date with a man and there are a few things I’ve always
wondered about. Who pays?
We met online and both drive at least an hour to reach each other, he
drives further, so do I pay? Or do we pay for each other or ourselves?
I am very confused about that! Also, do I bring him a gift to be
romantic? We talk on the phone a lot and if I was dating a girl I
would bring her a rose, but would that just be weird to bring a guy a
flower or candies or something? I really like him and want to impress
him! Do I pull his chair out? Or is that a little ridiculous? We have
already stated no sex on the first date, but is a kiss okay? If I give
him a kiss right when I approach him I think that sets the wrong tone,
but I don’t want to seem like a prude either!
If you could put my mind at ease on these silly frivolous things, I would greatly appreciate it!
Thanks, Jittered read more >>
Moving Beyond Online Chatting
So you’ve more than likely been chatting it up online with a potential dating prospect that you’ve met through your personals ad and perhaps even progressed to talking a bit on the telephone. It is generally best practice to gradually move from email correspondence or online chatting to actually speaking “live” on the telephone before meeting in-person for the first time. This gets the acquaintanceship started at a reasonably good pace and allows you to learn more about each other through written and verbal words before taking the plunge to meet face-to-face, which for most people is the more vulnerable and nerve-wracking scenario. Take time to glean the information you receive about this new man through all your modes of communication you’ve had with each other before deciding whether he meets your compatibility criteria to even proceed with a physical meeting. This will help to save much time and energy in your quest for a good first date material. read more >>
You sit on the lumpy lounge chair at the local coffee shop, sipping your cappuccino while trying to look occupied reading today’s local newspaper, your eyes periodically shifting to the front door of the shop, hoping to catch a quick glance of the man you’ll be meeting for the first time. You’ve had a million first dates, it seems, but the nervous anticipation and excitement always seems to show itself through your sweaty palms and rapid heartbeat. What will this meeting be like? Could he be “The One?”
Even though your blood’s pumping at the prospect of meeting someone new, you feel confident and relaxed within yourself as you approach this situation. You’ve worked hard to be a good, upstanding man and you recognize that you’re a “good catch.” You’re comfortable with who you are and you have a solid vision for what you’re looking for in a potential mate, having taken the time to craft a dating plan that emphasizes your personal needs, wants, values, and requirements in a relationship and partner. Your first date here is an opportunity to meet and get to know a new person with no expectations of outcome. You are going to be yourself, knowing that this isn’t about performance, and you’ll have a chance to briefly gauge whether this man possesses some of the traits and qualities that you seek in a Mr. Right. Your thoughts are interrupted by the presence of the handsome creature that now stands before you. You both shake hands as you greet, smiles beaming, and he proceeds to sit down to begin the get-to-know-you dialogues.
read more >>
Nothing gets the heart pumping quite like the nervous anticipation that goes along with going out on a first date with a guy. Whether it’s a blind date or someone you’re already acquainted with, the first meeting with a dating prospect brings with it a host of emotions, more commonly a mixture of excitement and nervousness. As the pivotal moment approaches, thoughts can become centered on such questions as: “Will he like me?” “Will I like him?” “Is he going to be The One?” “What if I mess things up and make a fool of myself?” “What will I talk about? What if I run out of things to say?”
Everyone’s experience is different, but the one common denominator that most daters would testify to is that it can be difficult to navigate through the waters of man-to-man dating. Although it’s changing, we gay men have few role models to emulate when it comes to love and romance. There’s no template to follow and we were never taught how to flirt with and date other men. There are no rules, no structure, and no guidance. How do two men join together in the “courtship dance?” While a lack of rules for gay dating can be a positive thing, lending to more creativity, spontaneity, and individuality, it can also create anxiety and a sense of “cluelessness” in how to meet and date successfully—kind of like a car without a driver.
This article will offer some tips on how to approach your first date with that lucky guy you’ve chosen to get to know in sequence of that date’s occurrence. While these are by no means “rules”, these ideas can offer a means to ground yourself and make the most out of the experience without sabotaging it before it gets off the ground. Pick and choose the ones that seem right for you and create your own principles as a means of being a healthy dater who lives with integrity and follows his own values.