Dear Coach:
I have a friend whom I’ve been hanging out with for the past few months who is straight and I’ve always found him to be very cute. But the more time we spend together, he’s started making jokes with sexual innuendo and saying that he wants to get with me sexually. Sometimes he’ll grab my hand and then pull it away very quickly and act all embarrassed or we’ll lay on my bed watching a movie and our arms will touch for an extended period of time without his moving away (but then he eventually does and bitches about it). It’s very confusing because it feels like we’re getting closer, but then at other times he pulls away. He’s 18 and I’m 24 and I’m just wondering if he’s really gay and trying to come to terms with it because I acted that way when I was first coming out. We’ve been spending a lot of time together lately and I’ve expressed how much I value him and he’s aware that I’m gay. He told me last week that he loves me and I’ve never been happier; he says that it just takes him a long time to get attached to someone and it’s hard for him to express himself in words. I really feel that he’s as attracted to me as I am to him but he just puts up a hard exterior because these must be new feelings for him. I really like him a lot and want to pursue this further but I don’t want to scare him off or push him away either. What do you think?
Hopelessly In Love
Dear Coach:
I would like some advice on how to attract the guy I have an eye on. I just found out that he’s into older guys and I’m younger. Should I give up hope now or give it my best shot to see if I can draw his attention?
Smitten
I was recently approached a couple months back by the writer of an online dating website at msn.com requesting some information for possible inclusion in an article she was writing on how to manage a new dating relationship when the other person experiences some kind of life crisis. This can be a very delicate situation and what follows here are some thoughts I contributed on the matter… read more >>
Dear Coach:
I have been seeing my guy for about 5 months. While we have spoken about how I’m ready for commitment, he waffles on the issue. Things were great between the two of us up until the moment I told him that I loved him. We were talking about feelings during one of our talks, so I saw no harm in telling him just how I felt. Ever since then, he’s backed away. What can I do, if anything, to help bring us back closer together again like we were? I do love him and I’m having a hard time keeping my feelings locked up.
In Love
Dear Coach:
I really need your advice. I met this guy at my university. He’s very kind, handsome, and totally irresistible and I can’t help being attracted to him. We’ve been sleeping together now for the past couple of days. Unfortunately, I’m not sure if he’s gay or not in the first place or if he even likes me back. How can I find this out? And what should I do in order to make our relationship stronger?
Smitten
Dear Coach:
There’s this new guy at work and I find him to be very cute! I’m always staring at him and want to ask him on a date so bad. My friend decided to help me find out if he’s gay or not so she told me she went up to him and asked him if he has a girlfriend and he replied, “No, I’m ga…”. My friend then said he looked like he had caught himself and then looked real embarrassed. She then asked him if he has a boyfriend and he responded with a weak laugh and then walked away. I’d like to know for sure if he meant “ga” as gay or as in something else. Plus, I’m not ready to let people know about my sexuality yet, so I don’t want to be asking the wrong person out and have him expose my homosexuality. So my question is, how do you tell if someone is gay or not? How can I find out if this guy is gay? Can you find out if a person is gay by the way they dress? I’d also like to know if dating a man is different than being with a woman. This is all new to me as I’ve never been in a gay relationship before. Thanks for your time and help!
Curious
Dear Gay Love Coach:
I met this really cool guy and I have shown a great interest in him. We had a great time for the past several dates and now he seems withdrawn and distant. I’ve asked him if anything is wrong and he says “no”, but I sense his non-verbal behavior shows differently. I just got an e-mail from him that says “I recently ended a relationship that went pretty sour, so I’ve had reservations about getting involved with any other guys. I’m sorry if you feel I’ve pulled away, but it’s not you in any way, just me and my reservations. I hope you understand.” What should I do? Should I attempt to assure him that I’m still interested, but not expecting a relationship? What communication should I convey to him that we could continue our dating? Or is he saying that he wants to stop dating me and move on? Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
Confused
Dear Coach,
Hello. I’m in love with a man that has hurt me a lot and I don’t know what to do. He was my boss and I had to quit my job right there so that we could be together. As time went on in our relationship, a lot of issues started coming out. I found out he had a drinking problem and that he wasn’t completely “out of the closet.” We never went out on dates and the sex stopped after the first year. I wanted to give up so badly but something inside me wouldn’t let that happen. He eventually broke up with me and I was so crushed. Since then, we’ve had a series of breakups and reunions. But nothing’s changed. We’ve just recently had another breakup, still have frequent contact, and I can’t seem to let go. I’m so fed up with it, but I love him very much and I can’t leave him. What can I do to not feel this way about him? I’m tired of being hurt, tired of having to walk on eggshells with him, tired of the lies. What should I do?
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