Introduction

“Guys suck! I’m never going to find a decent one who wants more than a one-night stand!”
“All the good ones are taken!”
“I’m not attractive enough to land myself a boyfriend”
“Gay men and relationships just don’t mix. Why even bother?!”

Do you ever think such thoughts? If you’re single and on the market for a boyfriend, it certainly can be easy to get jaded and develop these and many more pessimistic thoughts about the gay dating scene. Especially when it seems like you’ve done just about everything to promote your “dateability” and consider yourself a “good catch”, yet still fall short of accomplishing your goal or vision, negativity can seem to just flow out automatically as you vent out your frustrations and try to make sense of the injustice of it all. But while it may seem natural at times to move toward this way of thinking in your upset, one must be very careful trudging in this territory because it can be detrimental to your well-being. read more >>

Introduction

Gay relationships come in all varieties and combinations…that’s what makes our community so diverse and eclectic! One such couple pairing has been coined “magnetic relationships”, which is defined as an HIV-positive and an HIV-negative man in a committed partnership together. Perhaps it stems from fear, ignorance, or other sociopolitical factors, but surprisingly very little has been written on this subject. read more >>

Introduction

Nothing pains the heart more than being separated from your honey. You worked really hard to find Mr. Right and build a fulfilling life with him over the years. You’ve encountered and conquered so many challenges together and relish in the romance and richness of being a committed couple. You view the rewards of your partnership as great and can’t wait to share more experiences that will further enrich your relationship. That’s the vision that most happy couples report!

But what if you and your partner don’t live together and are physically separated, perhaps living on opposite sides of the globe? Maybe a job or a family crisis has forced you apart. Perhaps it’s just a temporary departure from each other; for some, the situation is permanent and must be adapted to. Whatever the circumstance, maintaining a long-distance relationship can be very difficult and taxing for couples. But while this scenario can be challenging and put a relationship to the test, it can be done and there are scores of people that are in this predicament and make it work successfully. This article will shed some light and offer some tips for coping with the “long-distance relationship blues” so that you can continue to nourish and strengthen the bond with your man and promote its longevity and satisfaction. Nothing compares to having your partner by your side but there are ways to overcome the obstacle of distance and still keep your relationship alive and well!
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Introduction

Ok, guys, let’s face it. Dating can be a frustrating process when you’re single and on the market for a long-term committed relationship. Trying to find a compatible guy for romance and companionship can make you feel like banging your head against the wall sometimes as you struggle to figure out where to meet these men in the first place, and then to go through the whole screening process…it can feel like a full-time job sometimes!

But what happens if you are HIV+ and looking for love? I get letters frequently from single men with HIV who voice difficulties with the gay dating scene trying to find people to date. Dating can be hard enough at times, but for those with health issues or disabilities, the problems can be compounded and the sense of hopelessness and uncertainty doubled as these men question whether love is even possible for them in a gay culture that seems fixated on shallow definitions of what makes a man attractive and “viable.”

I’m not going to sugar-coat things. The harsh reality is that having HIV can complicate the process of meeting people for dating and can make it more difficult. The availability pool for dating prospects will be reduced because there are a percentage of men who will not date HIV+ guys. That being said, having HIV does not preclude you to a permanent life of singlehood unless you choose that lifestyle consciously.

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Introduction

Have you ever skipped going to the health club one day because you just absolutely had no motivation to get all sweaty and tired? Or what about gorging on a half-gallon of ice cream to cope with your stress? Ever leave the mall wondering what the heck you were thinking maxing out your credit card? Do you work more hours at your job than need be? These are situations where a boundary violation of the self has occurred and we’ve all been there.

Boundaries are the limits we set around ourselves to keep safe, centered, and accountable. They are usually drawn from our values and they define who we are and what we will and won’t accept in our lives to keep our integrity and well-being intact. The more aligned our behavior is with our defined boundaries, the more balance and harmony we tend to experience in our lives. When we act outside the confines of our boundaries, our self-esteem can take a hit and we actually can create a whole host of other stressors that will disrupt us and leave us feeling badly and out-of-integrity. It is human nature to stumble outside our boundaries from time to time, but when it becomes a way of life, underlying issues may be at play that will require some attention and intervention to avoid ongoing conflicts in one’s life.

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Introduction

Are you single and frustrated with your dating efforts? Tired of spending all your hard-earned cash at the local coffee shop for what seems like the millionth blind date? Or maybe things have been going smashingly with your new guy until he pulls the rug out from under you just as you’ve started to open your heart to him. The scenarios are endless in the gay metropolis of dating, but the one thing that’s for certain is that there’s no magic formula on how to snag your Mr. Right.

There are lots of things you can do to promote your chances of success, however. And this article will elaborate on one such secret that might help clear the confusion and point you in the right direction as you continue your quest for a compatible boyfriend. Sometimes pure luck is at play in meeting a quality man, like being in the right place at the right time. But more often than not, a lot of preparation is needed to date smartly. A good mixture of self-awareness and interpersonal skills is just what the doctor ordered, as you would be wise not to be led solely by your physical attraction meter when screening for potential dating prospects. Your first step before you ever set foot into the dating jungle is to have a solid sense of identity—to know who you are and what you’re looking for. Without this knowledge, you’ll likely wander and connect aimlessly with men crowding the dating pool who have little in common with you except being single as well (and sometimes not even that!). Your time and heart are too precious; so don’t waste them in a pursuit that’s not armed with some kind of map or guidepost to help lead the way. And that’s where your values come in!

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Introduction

Let’s face it–life can be pretty darn hectic sometimes! Juggling all those commitments and trying to balance the roles and responsibilities you have can be quite challenging, and the one area of your life that can take the biggest hit is your relationship. It can be so easy to take your partner for granted as you try to tackle all those work demands, return your friends’ phone calls, and meet those family obligations. If you let it, your relationship can begin to lose its sense of priority, especially if you and your partner have gotten into a comfortable groove in the way you relate and function as a couple. The obvious consequence to this is a weakening of connection, potential decreased intimacy, emotional distance, and resentment over unmet needs.

All relationships, no matter how good, require consistent feeding. You must constantly nurture them, attend to them, and ensure that they remain healthy and strong. This is especially so because relationships, and the individuals who comprise them, are always changing with the passage of time. To not grow with the changes can result in a breakdown with inevitable conflict and sometimes demise.

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Introduction

I was recently interviewed by freelance writer Caroline Stanley from MSN.com for a cover story she was writing about dating “player-types”. This article includes the content that I contributed for her research into this topic. This article will shed some light on the profile of a “player”, provide some tips for the “ex-player” to promote successful dating relationships without letting his past destroy genuine opportunities, and suggest potential warning signs for the gay dater that might signal that the guy he’s seeing might actually be a “player.” read more >>

Introduction—A Picture of Insecurity

Insecurity is no fun. It’s that nagging feeling of angst and anxiety, of being unsettled and worried. You feel helpless and that you don’t measure up to a person or situation, lacking a sense direction or confidence in how to approach things. Like in the initial stages of dating, a single gay man’s insecurity might look like…“Does he like me?” “Why hasn’t he called me like he said he would?” “Will he still be around even after we’ve had sex?”

These are pretty normal reactions; it becomes insecurity when the person becomes preoccupied and ruminates about the outcome, personalizing it and putting himself through a slow-torture of doubt and “what-if” thinking that distracts him from being centered and relaxed. read more >>

Introduction

You look up from your book at the coffee shop and become paralyzed with nervous anticipation as you see the hot guy you’ve been smitten with from afar sit down at the table across the room. He’s alone today and what a great opportunity it would be to finally approach him and introduce yourself. But the anxiety is mounting as you visualize yourself doing this and you bury yourself back in your book. You feel your face burning as you berate yourself for not having the guts to make yourself known. “He’d never be interested in me!” “I’d just die if he rejected me!” “And what if he did show some interest? What would I say? He’d think I’m a complete idiot and loser the second I’d open my mouth!” These thoughts swirl through your mind as you look up to find another guy has swooped in for the kill and has been invited to sit at the table with the object of your desire. Another missed opportunity!

If you’re a shy guy, and don’t want to be, dating can be a frustrating and daunting experience. When you’re out and about, it looks so easy for other guys to approach and cozy up to other men. Or if you do have advances made toward you, you just want to kick yourself when you freeze up and don’t know what to say and feel like you’ve made a bad impression and scare him off.

This article will shed some light on the symptoms and psychology behind shyness and offer some suggestions for breaking free of its chains that hold you back from experiencing a satisfying social and dating life.

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