Introduction

Summertime is here in all its glory! Everyone is coming out of hibernation and there’s a buzz on the streets as people come out in droves to partake in all the fairs, parades, sporting events, and art shows. People are soaking up the sun at the beaches, having barbecue picnics in the parks, and biking and hiking along the lakeshores and in the forest preserves. For many, summer brings about a reawakening of the spirit, an invigoration of sorts for fun and activity. But for others, however, the season brings about a feeling of dread and helplessness. Why you ask? Let’s allow two fictional characters, John and Brad we’ll say, illustrate this all-too common experience. read more >>

Introduction

“Not tonight, honey. I have a headache” is the well-known slogan attributed stereotypically to women who lack desire to have sex with their husbands. The slogan itself is intended to be a tongue-in-cheek joke at the expense of couples with discrepant sex drives, but the situation is actually no laughing matter. A large portion of intimate partners struggle on a daily basis with incompatible desires to have sex and it can create serious problems in relationships. And yes, there is a clinical term for this scenario…it’s called inhibited sexual desire. The urge to be sexually intimate with one’s partner waxes and wanes all the time throughout the course of a relationship; no two individuals in a couple can be expected to be in-sync sexually in every instance. It’s when sexual overtures are denied on a consistent basis and the relationship becomes devoid of any erotic or sexual fulfillment that trouble can start to brew. It tends to be more common that one partner desires the contact while the other distances and refuses participation in sexual activity. read more >>

Introduction

I’m so fed up with being a “nice guy” and getting nowhere for it. I continue to be perplexed by my situation and want to understand better why others act the way they do, what I am doing wrong, and what things I can do to improve myself. I’m not perfect and don’t pretend to be. I’m not a model, but I’m often told by people that I’m “hot” and how nice and sweet I am. I am passionate and good in bed and believe I have a good personality and sense of humor. I have my own place, a new car, a great job, and I’m very successful in my career that holds a lot of promise for more growth and success. So I guess my biggest question is why am I alone? I treat the guys I have gone out with really well. Yet, it never seems to be enough. I just want to build a life with someone who has ambition, dreams, and who will love me and look out for me as I would for him. — Gay Man, age 29 read more >>

Introduction

So you’re single and looking for Mr. Right. Perhaps you enjoy the freedom of this time of your life and date recreationally, keeping your options open until “the right guy” comes along. Or maybe you’re the type who feels like dating is his sealed fate, forever going out on dates with guy after guy, only to walk away from each experience disappointed and questioning whether you’ll ever find a compatible life partner. Whatever your situation, it’s important to remember that finding Mr. Right is only part of the equation to landing a successful relationship. The other part, which is actually more important, is to become Mr. Right yourself. read more >>

Introduction

When I first came out to myself as a gay man many years ago, I was completely clueless about the gay lifestyle. Like any culture, I quickly came to learn that the gay community has its own norms and practices that differed to lesser or greater degrees than what I’d experienced in the mainstream heterosexual world that we all grow up in and internalize.

Living in the suburbs of Chicago where few resources existed for learning about and meeting other gay folk, I established a friendship base in the Windy City itself, which houses a fairly large gay metropolis. It was here that my virginal journey into gay society began. So naïve I was in learning all the social nuances involved in this new land I was venturing into! I amusingly recall one day walking through the gay ghetto with one of my friends, just chatting away about this and that, when all of a sudden in mid-sentence, his neck spun around in a double-take (very similar to Linda Blair in “The Exorcist”) when a striking man in a tank-top walked past us. I found myself a little startled and taken aback by his behavior, which seemed so overt and untamed by my conventional standards with his eyes bugged out and tongue wagging. As I quickly came to learn, this commonplace ritual is called “cruising”, an important social skill that all single gay men quickly learn to develop to snag themselves a potential date or casual sex partner for the night.

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Introduction

“Guys suck! I’m never going to find a decent one who wants more than a one-night stand!”
“All the good ones are taken!”
“I’m not attractive enough to land myself a boyfriend”
“Gay men and relationships just don’t mix. Why even bother?!”

Do you ever think such thoughts? If you’re single and on the market for a boyfriend, it certainly can be easy to get jaded and develop these and many more pessimistic thoughts about the gay dating scene. Especially when it seems like you’ve done just about everything to promote your “dateability” and consider yourself a “good catch”, yet still fall short of accomplishing your goal or vision, negativity can seem to just flow out automatically as you vent out your frustrations and try to make sense of the injustice of it all. But while it may seem natural at times to move toward this way of thinking in your upset, one must be very careful trudging in this territory because it can be detrimental to your well-being. read more >>

Introduction

Gay relationships come in all varieties and combinations…that’s what makes our community so diverse and eclectic! One such couple pairing has been coined “magnetic relationships”, which is defined as an HIV-positive and an HIV-negative man in a committed partnership together. Perhaps it stems from fear, ignorance, or other sociopolitical factors, but surprisingly very little has been written on this subject. read more >>

Introduction

Nothing pains the heart more than being separated from your honey. You worked really hard to find Mr. Right and build a fulfilling life with him over the years. You’ve encountered and conquered so many challenges together and relish in the romance and richness of being a committed couple. You view the rewards of your partnership as great and can’t wait to share more experiences that will further enrich your relationship. That’s the vision that most happy couples report!

But what if you and your partner don’t live together and are physically separated, perhaps living on opposite sides of the globe? Maybe a job or a family crisis has forced you apart. Perhaps it’s just a temporary departure from each other; for some, the situation is permanent and must be adapted to. Whatever the circumstance, maintaining a long-distance relationship can be very difficult and taxing for couples. But while this scenario can be challenging and put a relationship to the test, it can be done and there are scores of people that are in this predicament and make it work successfully. This article will shed some light and offer some tips for coping with the “long-distance relationship blues” so that you can continue to nourish and strengthen the bond with your man and promote its longevity and satisfaction. Nothing compares to having your partner by your side but there are ways to overcome the obstacle of distance and still keep your relationship alive and well!
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Introduction

Ok, guys, let’s face it. Dating can be a frustrating process when you’re single and on the market for a long-term committed relationship. Trying to find a compatible guy for romance and companionship can make you feel like banging your head against the wall sometimes as you struggle to figure out where to meet these men in the first place, and then to go through the whole screening process…it can feel like a full-time job sometimes!

But what happens if you are HIV+ and looking for love? I get letters frequently from single men with HIV who voice difficulties with the gay dating scene trying to find people to date. Dating can be hard enough at times, but for those with health issues or disabilities, the problems can be compounded and the sense of hopelessness and uncertainty doubled as these men question whether love is even possible for them in a gay culture that seems fixated on shallow definitions of what makes a man attractive and “viable.”

I’m not going to sugar-coat things. The harsh reality is that having HIV can complicate the process of meeting people for dating and can make it more difficult. The availability pool for dating prospects will be reduced because there are a percentage of men who will not date HIV+ guys. That being said, having HIV does not preclude you to a permanent life of singlehood unless you choose that lifestyle consciously.

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Introduction

Have you ever skipped going to the health club one day because you just absolutely had no motivation to get all sweaty and tired? Or what about gorging on a half-gallon of ice cream to cope with your stress? Ever leave the mall wondering what the heck you were thinking maxing out your credit card? Do you work more hours at your job than need be? These are situations where a boundary violation of the self has occurred and we’ve all been there.

Boundaries are the limits we set around ourselves to keep safe, centered, and accountable. They are usually drawn from our values and they define who we are and what we will and won’t accept in our lives to keep our integrity and well-being intact. The more aligned our behavior is with our defined boundaries, the more balance and harmony we tend to experience in our lives. When we act outside the confines of our boundaries, our self-esteem can take a hit and we actually can create a whole host of other stressors that will disrupt us and leave us feeling badly and out-of-integrity. It is human nature to stumble outside our boundaries from time to time, but when it becomes a way of life, underlying issues may be at play that will require some attention and intervention to avoid ongoing conflicts in one’s life.

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