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Foot Fetish

Dear Dr. Brian:

I am somewhat embarrassed to ask you this question, but I figured you would be a great person to ask. I have a HUGE foot fetish and get turned on by men’s feet. Where does a foot fetish come from? I believe we are born with our sexual orientation–so is this something that we are just born with or something that may develop over time? I remember liking men’s feet since I was like 4 years old.

Mr. Foot Guy

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Dear Mr. Foot Guy:

There is absolutely no reason for you to feel embarrassed with your question. Everyone has their own special unique turn-ons, and fetishes are actually quite common. As long as your specific fetish doesn’t hurt anyone, it’s consensual during sexual encounters with partners, and it doesn’t interfere with your daily life, then there should be no reason for concern.

Some people enjoy some “foot play” during erotic encounters, but a true foot fetish occurs when the individual is unable to be sexually aroused without the actual presence or fantasy of this appendage. While they can experience arousal to other stimuli in a sexual situation, the feet are the primary object of sexual desire. There are varying degrees to which the person integrates the fetish into his life; for some people it’s optional, while for others it can be exclusive. Foot fetishes can become problematic for intimate relationships if the fetishist is unable to relate to a lover without honoring the other aspects of his personhood because he has become objectified by his feet. It can also become problematic if it is obsessive, distracts from the ability to perform other life tasks, and if it inspires excessive feelings of guilt and shame. Also, if you’re unable to express your sexuality without the presence of feet, this could be a potential red flag that the fetish may have crossed over into more of a clinical mental health issue.

Nobody really knows for sure what causes a fetish, though there are a variety of theories about how they originate. There seems to be consensus among researchers that they develop very early in childhood. In the case of a foot fetish, the foot somehow got eroticized through some kind of life situation where pleasure, comfort, or soothing became associated with it and then it got conditioned and positively reinforced over time. An emotional experience or a trauma could imprint this in the person’s psyche as well. There are also theories that fetishes can come from heredity or neurological factors in the brain.

So unless your fetish is causing you any distress, it’s important to embrace this part of your sexuality and enjoy it. Because fetishes are not typically very mainstream and become stigmatized, it can at times feel very isolating and cause one to feel deviant or abnormal, which can do a number on your self-esteem. Most fetishes get a bad rap in our society, so work on alleviating any negative feelings and messages you might have internalized due to the taboo status fetishes get. I would encourage you to do some research on the subject to become more educated on how to develop a healthy relationship with this part of yourself and to seek out resources on the Internet where you might be able to discover online forums, classes, or groups in your community if you live in a big city where you can meet other foot-fetish enthusiasts. This can provide a tremendous source of support and kinship. And if none exists, why not create your own?!

So enjoy this aspect of your sexuality while balancing it with other sensualities, and be mindful of the “red flags” listed above. Thanks for having the courage to ask your question and being an advocate for your own sexual satisfaction and wellness. You are definitely not alone!

All my best,

(c)Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, The Gay Love Coach

The suggestions and feedback offered in this column are but one perspective of multiple approaches to dealing with problems or challenges. Information provided in articles and advice columns should not be used as a substitute for coaching or therapy when these services are needed.None of this information should be your only source when making important life decisions. This information should not be used for diagnosing or treating a particular problem, nor should it take the place of a consultation with a trained professional. It is your responsibility to consult a professional prior to making any life decisions.
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