Dear Coach:
What can we do to spice up our sex life? I have a younger lover and I
think he is getting bored!
___________________________________________________________________
Revving up one’s sex life in a relationship can be lots of fun, particularly since repetitive and monotonous sexual routines can actually begin to get boring and stifle a couple’s erotic life. Just like any part of your relationship, it’s important to give your sexuality lots of attention and feeding and to not take it for granted. Sensual pleasure is a gift that partners must not neglect so as to keep the spark alive and deriving this through your intimate connections with each other can be a highly effective vehicle for expressing your deepest feelings for each other through your eroticism. Not to mention that it can also reinforce and solidify your identity as a couple.
Spicing up your sex life should be a fun and collaborative experience that you share together, and can only be facilitated with communication. For starters, I would encourage you to talk to your lover about his thoughts and feelings about your sex together to avoid making unfounded assumptions that could sabotage the relationship. Share with him your concerns about his sexual satisfaction and encourage a dialogue between the two of you where you each share what pleases each of you and how you might incorporate these suggestions into your love-play. For all you know, he might be perfectly content with how things are and you could be needlessly fretting for nothing. But even so, these types of discussions are important to expanding a highly satisfying sex life to yet another level of bliss that you hadn’t even imagined. Or it can jump-start a dwindling intimacy with a newfound sense of enthusiasm and anticipation like in the early days of your time together.
Tips and strategies for a greater sex life are boundless and there are many books on the subject. Here are a few suggestions you could try if you dare:
* Each of you can write out a sexual fantasy, share them with each other, and then take times acting them out on separate occasions.
* Have sex in different rooms at different times and utilize all the household items in your house to stimulate all your senses and heighten your arousal.
* Don’t forget foreplay! Gay men can have a tendency to rush through sex and “go for the gold” rather than slowing down and enjoying the process. Take your time and build up the arousal slowly until your lover can’t take anymore. You’ll leave a much more favorable impression in his mind if you drive him wild with a slow build-up of erotic energy. Quickies can be intensely satisfying as well, but practice the art of savoring the moment and you’ll both likely find it much more enjoyable and memorable.
* Touch each other! Explore and discover each other’s erogenous zones with massage. Don’t just focus on the genitals! The entire body can be used to intensify your sexual pleasure.
* Take a class on tantric sex together to reach more sexual-spiritual depths with your intimacy.
* Try different role-plays, create your own pornographic film for your own eyes only, share your fantasies, write erotic stories and read them together in bed, blindfold your lover and have him guess which food you’re having him taste or smell or sensually rub an object over his erogenous zones and make him guess what it is, etc.
This is just barely scratching the surface! The ultimate key to hot sex with your partner is to communicate your needs and desires and come towards each other with an attitude of playfulness, creativity, spontaneity, variety, and imagination. What turns on one couple may not for another, so talk with each other and experiment with different scenarios to discover those activities that work best for you in reaching your erotic potential. Have fun!
(c) Brian Rzepczynski, The Gay Love Coach
The suggestions and feedback offered in this column are but one perspective of multiple approaches to dealing with problems or challenges. Information provided in articles and advice columns should not be used as a substitute for coaching or therapy when these services are needed.None of this information should be your only source when making important life decisions. This information should not be used for diagnosing or treating a particular problem, nor should it take the place of a consultation with a trained professional. It is your responsibility to consult a professional prior to making any life decisions.
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