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Your portal for Dating, Relationship, & Sexual Enrichment Skills and Strategies

Introduction

When you have an online dating personals ad, much of the initial communication and interaction that you will have with a potential dating prospect is primarily through the written word—mainly via e-mail or online chatting. As our society continues to embrace technology as a preferred mode of communication, the traditional “courtship” process has been forever altered when it comes to getting to know someone for potential dating. The lack of face-to-face contact in the very beginning and early stages of online dating can be advantageous as a relatively safe screening period to determine possible compatibility before moving ahead to the more vulnerable direct in-person contact. This can save a lot of time and energy and aids in boosting confidence about meeting someone new. However, it’s also a very impersonal mode of communication fraught with many missing elements that can make this screening process more challenging. For example, the inability to read body language is a major obstacle, as is the difficulty in being able to gauge whether any actual physical chemistry exists between the two people.

Your job as a savvy single is to use this medium of written correspondence to your most optimal benefit while not becoming solely dependent on its use to meet and build a relationship with someone. The following do’s and don’ts on effective online communication may seem a bit obvious, but these tips can help you stay centered when the allure of a potential love match can cloud your judgment and have you read into things or behave in ways you might not otherwise do in a more face-to-face context. By staying focused on your vision and personal requirements for a partner and relationship, as well as abiding by basic dating etiquette standards, you’ll be more likely to stay grounded and not be swayed by unrealistic expectations or romantic idealizations and illusions when a potential dating prospect with possibility shows up in your e-mailbox.

DO’S

* Be mindful of your negotiable and non-negotiable needs for a partner and relationship and use this writing venue as a way to ask pertinent questions to determine goodness-of-fit. This can quickly weed out those incompatibles and leave you with more energy for those with potential.

* Be creative and let your personality shine through in your writing. Communication through typing can get mundane and boring with all the fact-sharing, so use your wit, sense of humor, and unique style to show your individuality and flare.

* Keep your eyes peeled and assess each response you receive from your dating prospect. Is he meeting your dating criteria and personal requirements? Is he consistent in the things he’s saying (this will indicate a greater chance of honesty and integrity)? Does he show genuine interest in getting to know you better? Are his comments sexualized (this might indicate that he’s “cruising” rather than being relationship-minded)?

* Be clear in your communication. It is very easy to misinterpret things that are said in the written word, so make sure to be very specific in what you convey. If you don’t understand something that your dating prospect wrote to you, ask for clarification to avoid making any unfounded assumptions. This could potentially make or break a date from ever happening!

DON’TS

* No laziness! A major pet peeve is when men write in incomplete sentences and have improper grammar and misspellings. Remember that you are forming an impression in the other guy’s mind and since you haven’t met in person yet, all he has to go on is your presentation of yourself in your writing. Write with class and sophistication, but don’t go overboard with the fancy vocabulary. Show enthusiasm by using descriptive words.

* No giving out of personal information until you feel secure in the knowledge that this person poses some possibility for a friendship. Use the written form to then segue into a telephone conversation before meeting in-person at a public location for the first time for added precaution.

* Writing addiction can set in if you abuse this form of communication for too long. Limit the use of writing for conversation until you feel confident about meeting in-person. This will save time, prevents over-reliance on impersonal means of dialogue, and will decrease the chances of boredom setting in and losing potential good dates because the pace was too slow. If you’re not ready to meet, then don’t, but just make sure you’re not hiding behind writing as a way to avoid taking things to the next level because of anxiety or shyness.

* Refrain from writing about opinionated topics of potential controversy (religion, politics, etc.). Such subjects are best reserved for in-person communication, and usually later in a get-to-know-you dating stage. These issues can often times be too “loaded” and can be offensive to a person who doesn’t know you well enough yet; it’s best to hold off until more of a foundation has been established between the two of you.

Conclusion

By following these simple guidelines, your online communication can help facilitate a healthy progression toward landing that first date. Additionally, don’t forget to step away from the computer and try your luck at meeting other guys in social venues out in your community. By spreading your efforts at locating quality guys for friendship and more, you’ll be increasing your chances of success twofold. It’s all about balance! Good luck!

© Brian L. Rzepczynski, The Gay Love Coach

www.thegaylovecoach.com

This particular article is not for re-publication in other e-zines, magazines, or websites as OneGoodLove.com owns the rights to this material in partnership. Any questions or consent to do is required by that organization.
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