Welcome to The Dating Fitness Center! You’ve made a very wise decision by enrolling in our dating wellness club because you have now joined an exclusive membership with other relationship-minded singles. Here, you recognize that being single is an opportunity and that before you can really appreciate and thrive in a committed relationship with a life partner, you must first be solid and grounded yourself. This means that you’ve done the necessary work and are continually committed to the process of developing and actualizing yourself into your true potential. The ultimate outcome is that you lead a full life of purpose and passion and view yourself as a healthy and happy single. Through this personal growth process, you are maximizing your chances for attracting and sustaining fulfilling relationships with similar dating partners. Remember that according to “The Law of Attraction”, like attracts like. The more your life and self-esteem are in order, the greater your chances are that you will draw other dating prospects toward you that have also achieved a comparable level of well-being and “fitness.”
Before you begin your work-out for ultimate dating success, it’s very important at the outset of any kind of exercise regimen that you assess your current fitness level to determine your strong points and those areas of your life that require more strengthening. You can then use this information to develop goals for better wellness and self-improvement. What follows below are various domains of wellness with corresponding questions for you to evaluate your current life situation. This will help you to capitalize on your victories and to strategize an action plan for those parts in need of additional “strength training.”
Physical
- Do you get adequate sleep and rest?
- Do you engage in a regular and consistent exercise regime that includes both aerobic activity and strength/muscle training?
- Do you practice daily self-care in the form of practicing relaxation techniques or some kind of self-soothing activity to help reduce the effects of stress?
- Do you limit the intake of caffeine and other substances that can tax the body (alcohol, drugs, etc.)
Mental
- Our thoughts affect how we feel and behave. Do you monitor your self-talk to ensure you’re grounded in reality-based, positive, and affirmative thinking? This is critical, particularly during challenging and stressful times.
- Do you “talk back” to negative thoughts to ensure you’re protecting your self-esteem and doing your part to keep your confidence boosted so you can stay focused on accomplishing your goals?
- Do you keep track of the compliments and positive feedback that you receive from people? Do you write down positive quotes, sayings, metaphors, or affirmations that you read or hear that resonate with you? Keep these validations in a special folder to refer to when you need a quick “pick-me-up” during mood funks.
Emotional
- Are you attuned to your feelings or tend to suppress them? Addressing feelings in as close to the moment of their experience as possible is an important skill of emotional intelligence. Stuffing our emotions can make us vulnerable to such things as anger outbursts, panic attacks, and depression and can also create a host of physical problems if left unacknowledged and processed. In addition to sharing your feelings with close friends and confidants, keeping a journal of your thoughts and feelings can be a useful tool to express yourself. Make sure to not just use this as a forum to vent negativity. What are you going to do about those unpleasant thoughts and feelings? Create action plans that speak to resolution of these conflicts. And don’t forget to write about the good things that happen to you! Capitalize on the positives! Print out a feelings vocabulary or a ditto of feelings faces to expand your mental thesaurus of emotions to expand upon your experiences.
Behavioral
- Do you exercise adequate control over your impulses by being able to stop and think before acting to execute good judgment? Is your behavior goal-focused and in alignment with your values and vision for an ideal lifestyle?
- Are you an “avoider” or a “go-getter?” Try to confront anxiety or insecurity by “going for it!” Passive approaches to life rarely yield results. Go after your goals and make them a reality! Be the chooser and take control of your own destiny.
- Be mindful of self-defeating behaviors that could potentially sabotage your personal growth journey. Examples include substance abuse and addictions to food, gambling, sex, pornography, spending money, and Internet use. Balance and moderation is key.
Social
- Do you have a solid support network comprised of family and friends whom you can turn to for both fun and emotional support?
- Do you have an ample supply of hobbies or interests you can pursue for recreation and rejuvenation so that your life isn’t completely occupied solely by work or dating efforts?
- Do you have good communication and listening skills? How are your flirting abilities? Are you able to be assertive and directly ask for what you need?
Spiritual
- Are you affiliated with a particular religion and feel comfortable? Do you feel a sense of connection to a Higher Power?
- Do you feel that you conduct yourself in accordance with a good set of personal ethics and values?
- Do you feel like you’re living a life of purpose and meaning? Are you living out your talents and passions in work and play?
Self-Esteem
- Do you have a positive self-concept? Have you worked through any family-of-origin issues that interfere with your current living? Any unfinished business with incomplete relationships, grief, or past traumas? Feelings of shame, insecurity, and inadequacy rear their ugly heads in this domain and are a core feature of self-esteem struggles. Growing up gay in a homophobic culture puts most of us at risk to challenges with this area. Though negative self-esteem issues can be deeply embedded, they can be overcome, particularly since you are in the “driver’s seat” of your life now as an adult. Learning to love and nurture yourself is a prerequisite to a successful partnership with Mr. or Mrs. Right.
Sexuality
- Are you comfortable with your sexual identity and with being gay? Do you have a positive relationship with both the masculine and feminine parts of yourself? Have you worked through any internalized homophobia you may have?
- How is your body image? Are you knowledgeable about matters of sex and have confidence and comfort with your ability to be sensual with another? Are you aware of your turn-ons and offs? Are you pleasure-focused rather than performance-oriented? Are you educated about safer sex practices and able to negotiate them?
While many of these may seem common-sense, you’d be amazed how many of these items can be overlooked and taken for granted in our busy, hectic lives. By working on any of these areas that could use a boost, you are making yourself that much more relationship-ready and “dateable” for your life partner candidates. You want to make sure that you are emotionally available for him or her when they show up in your life, and these issues can be distractions if not worked upon diligently.
So now that you’ve gone through your screening at The Dating Fitness Club, we encourage you to make good use of your membership and really work-out and build up those muscles in your life that could benefit from it, even if it’s just a light toning that’s required. And if you run into any snags along the way, please be sure to contact your personal trainer/dating coach for any assistance you might need to break through those blocks, embrace your potential, and craft an action plan for turning those hurdles into opportunities for growth and change. Be sure to stretch first!
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