Hope for a Gay Dad?
Question: I have recently joined a dating site but I’m not sure if my profile is an eye-catcher. I was married to a woman for a number of years and I have never had sex with a man. I’m now a single dad and have gone on a couple of dates but they always end the same way. They find out I have kids and they can’t seem to get away fast enough. My children are the most important thing to me and if it means being single the rest of my life, then so be it. But I can’t believe all gay guys don’t want kids. Am I doomed to singlehood?
Answer:
Finding a compatible dating partner can certainly be challenging, but finding a quality guy is always a possibility! For starters, it’s important to avoid defining your life around dating and to make sure you’re living a full and balanced life that you’re passionate about and that’s purposeful. It’s also important to take this time while you’re single to determine what your negotiable and non-negotiable needs are for a partner and a relationship to help you adequately screen dating prospects for compatibility and to also make sure you’ve got the emotional readiness to take on the responsibilities of dating.
Make good use of your personals ad to attract attention with a captivating and eye-grabbing headline that speaks to your personality, but you’ll also want to filter out those men who would not be good matches by highlighting your gay dad status and other personal requirements you have in the profile of your ad. Another thing you could do would be to join a social networking site (eg. Meetup.com); if there are no groups in your area that cater to gay fathers, why not be innovative and start your own? You could also start a social group in your community or create an online discussion forum for other gay dads for support and friendship that could lead to dating opportunities.
The important thing is to keep a positive and optimistic mindset, live your life to the max and put yourself in situations that speak to your interests and values where you might be able to meet other gay men. Don’t give up hope and recognize that there are a lot of gay men out there who think gay dads are sexy!
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On August 12, 10 at 11:09am, Michael T. said...
Brian,
I just read the question and the response and all I can say is that you were totally “on target” with your response.
A positive and optimistic mindset is key in dating and being honest in your ads when you seek that route is crucial. Let them be attracted to what they read and let what they read be the truth! You can only “win” if you do these things!
I’m enjoying your blog very much!
All the best!
Michael T.
On February 05, 11 at 12:59pm, Carlos C said...
As a single gay father of an adopted son (who has not “dated” since the adoption was finalized) I can only add to your story a couple of pointers. First of all, you will lose a large number of friends who at first supported your idea telling you “You’ll make a terrific dad”. That is not as important as putting forth your determination to make it work. There are a large number of gay men who will state that they want children, but when faced with the reality that your child(ren) come first, they tend to shy away. Look for someone who is drama free, meaning they are gay because they are gay and not because of some trauma they may have experienced. And you certainly do not want someone who clings to their ex’s. If you look closely you will see love and compasion in the right person’s eyes, that is how you can tell. I personally have not found it but that does not stop me from looking. Good Luck
On February 06, 11 at 11:27pm, Dan said...
This was a similar situation I was stuck in. I was married for a number of years, had two kids, one of which lives with me. I was starting to get discouraged by the dates that were set up on the dating sites. Oddly enough, I met the greatest guy while out one day. He accepted that I have children, and that one lives with me. He is the most wonderful and caring person I have ever met who has taken to my kids better then I ever thought possible. I guess what I am saying is dont worry too much about it, one day it will just happen. The more you look the harder it will be, it was only when I gave up looking that I met someone really special. Keep smiling and keep your head up, never know who you are going to meet tomorrow!
On February 08, 11 at 6:05pm, marc said...
I’m 40 and single with unfortunately no children. I would love to meet a gay guy with a child or children. I wish I had adopted when I was younger. I always felt I was meant to be a parent.
On September 08, 13 at 11:11pm, Jeff H said...
Hi. Just read your post and can totally relate. I adopted a little boy a year-and-a-half ago and other gay guys run away they moment they find out that I am a father. I know eventually that I will find someone but in the meantime it is extremely frustrating.
On December 12, 14 at 11:26pm, Jeffrey said...
I am rather the exception….it appears. I am a 45 year old male. I spent my time and retired from the Air Force after 20 years of service. I had the chance to date older men with children. That is my thing….I prefer older men. Since I am totally gay….and have never been married nor do I have children of my own, my older men relationships were the closest I could get to having children. I only had to take care of myself….but meeting other gay men who have had the complications of taking care of themselves and their children, makes my military life look like a cakewalk. I admire these Fathers. It is a shame that many guys, when they find out that a prospective Boyfriend has an ex-wife and children, decide not to see the bigger picture of what is in store. All the best with great Love to these Fathers and their children. There are some of us out in the world who understand what sacrifice means…whether in the military or as single Fathers.