Advice

My boyfriend of eight years is trying to spice up our relationship, and I think that’s great. Problem is, he’s suggested going to a clothing-optional gay resort. How do I tell him this is just not my cup of tea without coming off as unadventurous?

Answer:

That’s great that the two of you are attentive to the needs of your relationship and trying to keep it energized and alive! That’s one of the secrets of healthy, long-term partnerships. However, nobody should do something in a relationship that he’s uncomfortable with and that would compromise his values or boundaries. If your partner’s idea doesn’t feel good to you, it’s important you directly communicate your feelings to him. Without invalidating his suggestion, let him know how much you appreciate his creative thought for bringing more spark into your relationship and then express your discomfort and decline the invitation. Let this then be a segue for the two of you to brainstorm alternate activities that might be mutually enjoyable. Make your own separate lists of your fantasies or what you can each imagine your partner doing that would be pleasing to you and share and complete these items. Decide on those things you’re willing to compromise on and those that would be non-negotiable. Be assertive with your needs, and make this “assignment” playful and fun!

(c)2006  Brian Rzepczynski, The Gay Love Coach
www.thegaylovecoach.com

This posting contains my response to advice column questions posed by Planet Out/Gay.com in 11/06 for a contest they were running.
The suggestions and feedback offered in this column are but one perspective of multiple approaches to dealing with problems or challenges. Information provided in articles and advice columns should not be used as a substitute for coaching or therapy when these services are needed.None of this information should be your only source when making important life decisions. This information should not be used for diagnosing or treating a particular problem, nor should it take the place of a consultation with a trained professional. It is your responsibility to consult a professional prior to making any life decisions.
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