My boyfriend of eight years is trying to spice up our relationship, and I think that’s great. Problem is, he’s suggested going to a clothing-optional gay resort. How do I tell him this is just not my cup of tea without coming off as unadventurous?
Answer:
That’s great that the two of you are attentive to the needs of your relationship and trying to keep it energized and alive! That’s one of the secrets of healthy, long-term partnerships. However, nobody should do something in a relationship that he’s uncomfortable with and that would compromise his values or boundaries. If your partner’s idea doesn’t feel good to you, it’s important you directly communicate your feelings to him. Without invalidating his suggestion, let him know how much you appreciate his creative thought for bringing more spark into your relationship and then express your discomfort and decline the invitation. Let this then be a segue for the two of you to brainstorm alternate activities that might be mutually enjoyable. Make your own separate lists of your fantasies or what you can each imagine your partner doing that would be pleasing to you and share and complete these items. Decide on those things you’re willing to compromise on and those that would be non-negotiable. Be assertive with your needs, and make this “assignment” playful and fun!