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Should We Shack Up? A Gay Lovers’ Pre-Cohabitation Reality Check

Introduction

Particularly with the legal sanctions that exist against gay marriage, moving in and living together is a big step and important rite-of-passage for a gay couple. It can symbolize the development and maturation of their relationship, as well as express the sense of a deepening commitment to each other and desire for more definition as partners.

However romantic it may seem to “shack up,” it’s a huge life-changing decision that shouldn’t be made lightly or on impulse. It requires a lot of forethought and preparation or you could be setting yourselves up for a lot of drama, stress, and pain. This article will offer some tidbits of information on cohabitation and lend you some questions for contemplation to assess your true readiness for “taking the plunge” as live-in lovers. Then some suggestions will be made to help foster a smoother decision-making process for you and your guy.

Dispel The Fairy Tale Myth

So you found your Prince Charming or Mr. Right and you feel ready to take that next step by moving in together. It’s a very special time to be enjoyed, however it’s also important to temper your excitement and let your logical mind help you determine if this is the right choice for you at this time in your life and stage of relationship with your boyfriend.

There are lots of benefits to living together: saved time on travel, being able to spend more time together, increased sexual availability, improved cost-of-living, intimacy can be strengthened, etc. Beware of romanticizing this big step in your relationship though; recognize that this is a major life transition with lots of adjustments and that your life and relationship will change.

Even if you’ve lived with someone before, like with a roommate, family, or an ex, it’s a completely unique experience when you live with a new significant other because the relationship dynamics, issues, and feelings are so different. You are merging together two men with different personalities, needs, habits, and lifestyles—integrating these can be stressful and challenging. However, once consolidated and you have reached an understanding and rhythm to your lives, it can be one of the most rewarding and fulfilling experiences you’ll ever have.

Cohabitation Facts

Pre-Move-In Questions

Here are some questions you and your man could ponder as you come closer to making a decision about your living arrangements. Communicate with each other about all of these issues to ensure mutual understanding and agreement.

What You And Your Partner Can Do For Cohabitation Success

Conclusion

Living together can be a very fulfilling part of your relationship development, but as you can see, requires adequate readiness assessment, preparation, and planning to maximize your success. While some of the drawbacks of cohabitation are not always rosy, also realize sometimes that emotional barriers you may be erecting will need to be pushed through to make this option more viable. While moving in with my partner when I did was a nightmare, it did help facilitate both our coming-out processes and we grew more as individuals and as a couple. It also helped both our families break through their denial systems and grieving processes and helped all of us develop some new, more sophisticated relational skills that has led to a now successful family unit. It all worked out for the best and a lot of good came from it. So best of luck with your decision-making…you’ll be great!

© 2007 Brian L. Rzepczynski

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Brian Rzepczynski, Certified Personal Life Coach, is The Gay Love Coach: “I work with gay men who are ready to create a road map that will lead them to find and build a lasting partnership with Mr. Right.” To sign up for the FREE Gay Love Coach Newsletter filled with dating and relationship tips and skills for gay singles and couples, as well as to check out current coaching groups, programs, and teleclasses, please visit www.TheGayLoveCoach.com.
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